Sick Kids and Sir Elton John

It has been quite awhile since the Rivertrout posted a missive. Such is the law, such is family.

But this evening, I was inspired. And as is often the case, I was inspired by really gross, inappropriate things. Such is art.

Our kids have stomach flus. This is hard for them. But for we, the parents, it is even harder. We had to explain to the 2- and 4-year-old what was happening to their bodies, and why they have been spending so much time on the commode lately. What to do? And then the obvious solution hit me--really, I am ashamed it took so long: Elton John recently became a parent! What would HE do?

What follows is the little ditty that we came up with, on the fly, to settle the kids down. At the end of our song (which may have made the kids sicker), we were so impressed with ourselves that my wife decided to ditch the law and apply to Julliard. She's a late bloomer. Our kids will complain about this to their therapists in the coming decade. But there won't be any money to pay those therapists, because Sir Elton John will have taken all of it from me in a widely-publicized lawsuit. This is . . .

ROCKETPOOH

Woke up this morning, and grabbed my bear
'Bout zero-hour five a.m.
And I'm gonna be siiiii-iick . . . as a dog by then
I miss my mommy, I miss my dad
It's chilly in this place
Just wish my tummy would go to outer space.

And I think that I'll be here a long long time
Feels like my tummy's full of turpentine
I'm not the kid they think I am at school
Oh no no no . . . . I've got ROCKETPOOOOOOOOH
(ROCKETPOOOOOOH!)
Everything's just movin' right on through!

And I think that I'll be here a long long time!

This ain't the kind of place to play with toys
They're just outside the door
But I'm gonna be heeeeeeeeeere . . . 'til I can poop no more

And so I think that I'll be here a long long time
My tummy's full of really angry brine
I'm not the kid they think I am at school
Oh no no no . . . I've got ROCKETPOOOOOOOH!
(ROCKETPOOOOOOH!)
Dinner's flowin' straight into the loo!
And I think that some of it got on my shoe!

And I think it's gonna be a long long time . . . .

Yes I think that I'll be here a long long time . . . .

[Some people will do anything to make their kids laugh. We are such people.]