Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rivertrout Clinches Key District in Bid for Democratic Nomination


June 3 was a tumultuous day at the Senior Center on the corner of 3d Street and Marguerite Avenue, where the polls opened at 7:00 a.m. By 8:00 that evening, with all seventeen votes counted, it was over. In a hotly contested race, dark fish candidate "Rivertrout" topped local solo practitioner and Democratic party hopeful Steve Young for the nomination for United States Representative from the city's Second Sub-District of the Partial Congressional District of the "Flower Streets" (representing Marigold Avenue--behind the Chevron station--numbers 2600 - 2656). A write-in candidate, Trout took the lead when Mrs. Trout, a known swing voter, brought the Rivertrout's marks in the popular vote column to 2. "I didn't really research the candidates this year, and almost missed the cut-off. Didn't even realize it was Primary Day until I saw this elderly lady wearing an 'I voted' sticker," Mrs. Trout was quoted as saying shortly after her husband's victory speech. "Since I didn't recognize the other candidate's name," Mrs. Trout explained, "I figured--what the heck?"

The freshman candidate was noticably emboldened. "I don't mind tellin' you that this was a friggin' LANDSLIDE," Rivertrout told a boisterous crowd of supporters (wife, dog and daughter--the cat was off-site, campaigning for McCain). "This proves that, even in Corona del Mar, change is possible . . . though not probable," he added. "Now, it's on to the General Election--which should be interesting, because I never even served in the military."

The Second Sub-District, formerly a Democratic stronghold, turned decidedly "red" last December, when the Erlichmans moved out of Unit 2647 and were replaced by the Smith family, devout fascists. Since December, pundits have kept a close watch on the Second Sub-District to see which candidate might unite the remaining liberals in the neighborhood--specifically, the Jamesons and the McKinneys, who had a falling-out a few months before the primary when Nick Jameson's sprinkler system sprayed water all over Jesse McKinney's Volkswagen, causing spotting.

The campaign for the General Election kicks off this evening at the local Starbucks (Goldenrod and PCH, mapquest here.) The Rivertrout knows he faces stiff odds this November against the Republican incumbent, but he remains optimistic. When confronted with the realities of the Corona del Mar voting population during a recent interview on Larry King Live, the Rivertrout asserted "If I can narrow the gap to something short of 2 to 23,024--you know, if my wife remembers when Election Day is--it will be a great symbolical victory for the Democratical party."